Dearest, My Apologies

by Deirdre Gillin

Dearest,
My apologies.

It was no accident you chose me,
We were the same, raging
in a world that blinked
indifference.

A fresh soul delivered from your
warm emersion into
sensory terror.
Your brain already fighting its mismatched puzzle.
Neurons bouncing like beads clicking against the floor.

Images of warm deep embraces-edged
into the distance.
Childhood pleasures morphed into sensory diets,
play therapies,
mood stabilizers.

No Parenting magazine knew you.

Five years besieged
by a mind brimming
confusion.
Wide black eyes glazed,
never willing to meet my gaze.

No immediacy of love,
It stood in the middle distance
trepidacious, edging silently forward,
a little,
at a time.

Until the day we heard that gentle porcelain doctor say
“autism spectrum.”

There you stood, and I saw you
for the first time
looking right at me.

_______________________________________________

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Comments

[Christine Magee]

This is a truly moving poem. I love your use of language and imagery I would very much like to read more of your poetry.

Good wishes
Chrissie

[Sally]

So many beautiful turns of phrase: porcelain doctor, like beads clicking against the floor. And a powerful ending. Thank you.